Category Archives: Parenting

I’m No Mama Bear… And That’s a Good Thing

I want to explain about a parenting pet peeve of mine. The whole “Mama Bear” thing makes me a little insane.

You probably know what I’m talking about. When a parent perceives that their child is threatened, they claim that they’ll go all “Mama Bear” on the threatener. Sometimes the language is different. I’ve seen parents say things like, “Don’t mess with my kid!” or even, “Come after my kid and I’ll cut you!”

I’ll cut you? Are we parents or stereotyped 90’s gangsters?

Now, if one of my kids were actually threatened with imminent danger, perhaps with a real weapon or in the midst of a natural disaster or the like, I’d like to believe that adrenaline and super strength would kick in and I’d move heaven and earth to come to the rescue. Picture the zombies coming, and picture me suddenly gaining the ability to lift two half grown people and whisk them to safety with my bare hands.

But let’s get real. Most of the times I see this sort of language used, there are no zombies. There are no weapons, no dire situations, not even any real bullies. It’s more like, another toddler took my kid’s toys on the playground and then threw dirt at him. The teacher unfairly penalized and singled out my kid. The crazy stranger yelled at us because she thought I cut in line while my kid was there.

Sure, none of these situations are awesome. But do they really require violence? If you storm onto the playground and make a strange toddler cry for throwing dirt or begin yelling at the parent, have you actually solved anything? If you consistently make your interactions with teachers confrontational, will that help? If you engage in a threatening way with a stranger in a crowd, is that likely to end well? And what do those things demonstrate to your children?

A lot of the interactions that I see people say they’re going to go after other kids for (and pause for a moment with that, knowing that we’re talking about a grown up feeling justified for threatening children) seem so biased that I don’t even know how to unpack them. When a kid is genuinely bullied, that’s a pretty scary, scarring, and horrible thing that requires your intervention. But your kid being excluded from a group? Your kid being called names a few times? It’s hard when our kids are hurt to realize that the perpetrators are just as socially inept and inexperienced as your kids. I’ve seen my kids and others unintentionally exclude a newcomer many times. It’s not helping anyone’s social skills to have a parent storm in and blame them for something they didn’t even know they were doing. They don’t need to be threatened. They need guidance and help through these interactions. A good check yourself guide is in this article: Rude vs. Mean vs. Bullying.

Some people will probably think that the whole “Mama Bear” routine is metaphorical. It’s a joke, not meant to be taken seriously, despite any “I’ll hunt you down” style comments on social media. I would say that if it’s a joke, it’s really not funny, just because violence isn’t that funny. And pretending to threaten people isn’t that funny. It’s not funny when fathers threaten their daughter’s dates and it’s not funny when parents threaten people we see around our kids.

Of course, sometimes we have to fight for our kids. Sometimes the world is unfair and our kids are mistreated. And while I don’t step in every time I see other kids being rude or every time I see minor injustices because I want my kids to slowly learn to deal with those things, I don’t think kids should have to deal with serious problems on their own. They deserve to know we’re in their corner and on their side, not just to be an ear or take care of them afterward, but to step in and help make things right. However, when we do that, we don’t need to do it emotionally and irrationally, lashing out at others. We should be measured and researched. If a child is being discriminated against, we should go in armed with information and determination. And if a child is being mistreated by their peers, arm them with strategies and figure out how to create boundaries.

When it’s not called for, back off and just be a decent person. Not every hurt requires anyone to step in. But when it’s called for, don’t be a “Mama Bear,” become a “Mama Lawyer.”

Raising Kids Who Will Do Better

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We live in a racist, sexist, classist, generally prejudiced world.

I grew up in that world, like we all do, in the south specifically. And while I was taught to value equality by my mother and by many teachers, I was also taught to see people of color as “other” or less in a million little ways and men as the ones in charge, by family members and by the culture around me. As I grew up, I tried to fight against those cultural lessons and for understanding racism, sexism, and intolerance. And I was lucky enough to have experiences attending diverse schools and traveling that helped me better understand other perspectives than my own. And as better language about privilege and implicit bias and consent has come into being, I’ve adopted it the best I can and tried to apply it to my little corner of the world.

But I’m not a native speaker of that language. And I never will be.

Here is a funny thing I’ve come to realize in the last year or so. My kids have internalized critiques of sexism and racism much more clearly than I can ever hope to. They are native speakers of the language that has evolved to talk about bias and oppression.

Let’s be clear. I have two privileged, middle class, white boys. And none of us are perfect by any stretch of the imagination. While I’m about to sing my kids’ praises here, I’ve also seen them slip up and say ignorant things about other people. All of us are works in progress. All of us are beneficiaries of a system that favors us. And while I would love it if our homeschooling circles were more diverse, they’re not, so that’s something we deal with.

But in the last few months, I’ve been seeing how Mushroom and BalletBoy call out incidents of sexism and racism and bias like it’s something they can’t not see. And they do it in a way that comes incredibly naturally to them. When we read aloud an older book where a boy plants an unwanted kiss on a girl’s cheek, BalletBoy stopped me practically mid-sentence and wanted to know, “Haven’t these people ever heard of consent?” When talking about “Sleeping Beauty” with the Husband, Mushroom observed, “The Prince basically assaults her in her sleep. Why is that supposed to be romantic?” When seeing a smiling slave in a picture book, Mushroom observed, “That’s not right. Would they really be smiling?” When told it would be okay if he was friends with someone who hated Muslims, BalletBoy fought back by being appalled at that notion. “No it wouldn’t! That person would be racist.”

When the boys were little, I really tried to take to heart the idea that the research says we have to be explicit with kids about race and that holding up colorblindness to kids as a value simply isn’t useful in combating racism. I’ve tried to keep the conversation about sexism in similarly clear terms, bringing up basic ideas about consent when they were very young with the idea that if it’s done naturally then that’s the best thing for raising kids.

And we’ve tried to read books and consume media that is diverse in many ways, with protagonists of different genders, races, and cultures. That has meant reading books like One Crazy Summer, that tackle racism head on in a very modern way (even if it’s a work of historical fiction) but also being willing to read quality older books and notice when race or gender isn’t dealt with well. One of the boys’ all time favorite series is The Great Brain, and it’s hardly a hateful series, but in books like that with older attitudes toward immigrants or First Nations peoples, we have tried to talk about how times have changed. And we’ve tried to read books and be willing to, in a kid appropriate way, study topics like the Civil Rights Movement or the Suffrage Movement or even tougher topics like the Holocaust or the legacy of Colonialism.

We haven’t had a unified curriculum or anything like that. And none of this has felt like a burden to me. Sometimes, I try to think, oh, have we been reading all male authors for awhile, maybe we should change things up, or vice versa, trying to loosely make sure we’re keeping a diversity of perspectives in our reading and media viewing. But mostly it’s been teachable moments, something that I think comes naturally to most homeschool families, and really to most thoughtful, engaged parents. However, part of doing this has meant being willing to have awkward conversations about race and gender even with young kids. The teachable moments are only obvious when you’re willing to have an uncomfortable conversation that acknowledges that things aren’t perfect or that racism isn’t over or that not everyone recognizes consent.

But the payoff is big. The payoff is kids who are native speakers of a new language. And for my kids, white males, it means they see privilege with acknowledgement and awareness but not resentment of the need to do that. They aren’t attached to some conception of masculinity that requires that they not express emotion. They don’t assume that a story about a Black girl or a Muslim boy or an Asian family isn’t for them so they’re open to listening.

Right now, my hope is that kids who were raised this way are our future.

 

September Vacations: The Best Homeschool Perk

Whoa! That's Chichen Itza! A great vacation this year.
Whoa! That’s Chichen Itza! A great vacation this year.

If you’re not taking your vacation in September, you’re missing out. I know not everyone can afford a vacation and that sometimes other commitments that have nothing to do with school can get in the way too, but if you can, I strongly suggest you take that vacation, whether near or far the week or even two weeks after Labor Day.

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We appreciate the raging waters near Niagara Falls two years ago. In September, of course.

I can promise you, less crowds, cheaper prices, and probably good weather. Yeah, I know, you start to risk Hurricane season in some quarters, but that’s what trip insurance is all about.

We haven’t had a huge vacation in a few years. Other than a drive to the in-laws and then on to scenic Niagara Falls, we haven’t managed to leave the country since our epic Africa vacation several years ago. But this September, we did the Yucatan. BalletBoy practiced his budding Spanish skills and we did a wonderful long unit ahead of time about Mayan history that made the boys sound so smart and informed while walking around the ancient ball courts and climbing the pyramids. Oh, and we chilled on the beach in Tulum a whole lot.

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Mushroom and BalletBoy do Epcot four years ago. In September, of course.

But if you’re not as adventurous, we got a great Great Wolf Lodge deal that week a couple of years ago. And our one grandparent fueled Disney trip was a second week of September affair and it was amazing. No lines, you guys. Well, almost no lines. Even if you’re just going to hit the local beach, the weather will probably still be great and the prices might be halved.

So next year, if you can, ditch the first week of soccer/dance/4-H/robotics club and head off for a few days to take your homeschool perk – travel without the masses.

In Praise of BalletBoy

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I just want to sing BalletBoy’s praises for a little bit. A couple of weeks ago, I talked about how Mushroom’s anxiety is tricky for all of us. He’s smart and insightful and intellectually curious, but he gets in his own way so often that it’s hard to see the forest for the trees and there are things I wish I could have him really working on that he can’t and amazing projects he’d like to do that he stops himself from finishing because of his perfectionism.

On the other hand, BalletBoy has really been blooming academically and it’s really exciting to be on the cusp of seeing him head into seventh grade next year and knowing that I get to plan for this kid who is suddenly, miraculously ready for a challenge.

We’ve really taken a pretty relaxed path for BalletBoy’s schooling overall. He’s on grade level for math. We don’t have a long list of required books. He does just a few serious pieces of writing every school year.

However, in the last several months, I’ve been so impressed by how he can suddenly sit down and work independently on schoolwork happily and competently. He doesn’t need me sitting there at his side any more. His reading has taken off. A couple of years ago, I dismayed about getting both my boys to read higher level nonfiction, but we worked on it and last week, I was able to hand BalletBoy a copy of Collapse by Jared Diamond (of Guns, Germs, and Steel fame) and have him read a lengthy section on his own. He used sticky notes to write notes all over the margins that included good summary notes, insightful questions, and connections to other readings he had done on the topic. He will read nearly anything I put before him (if it’s for school – he’s a picky reader in his own time). When I give him an open-ended assignment, like to write about an historical character, he takes the initiative to do some research on his own then cheerfully writes something pretty decent, typed, of course. He has deep questions about philosophy and history and science.

When I taught middle school, there was often a miraculous jump that kids experienced from sixth to seventh grade. They left for the summer looking and acting like little kids and suddenly came back ready to be so grown-up and insightful. BalletBoy is still so little in so many ways. He and Mushroom and their friends still enjoy imaginary games and cartoons and middle grade novels instead of more grown up YA books. However, in other ways, I see that he has suddenly grown up a little academically and is ready for more.

Sometimes Mushroom sucks all the air out of the room, which means that, when given the same assignment, BalletBoy finishes it fast and reasonably well while Mushroom demands that he keep working until it’s downright amazing. I’m trying to start calling BalletBoy on his “good enough” work a little more and push him a little more, give him a little of the oxygen in the room, so to speak. We’re slowly dividing up everything the boys do so that within the next few months, they probably won’t be studying any of the same things with any of the same materials. I think it’s going to benefit BalletBoy greatly.

For one thing, I’m looking forward to really making him dive in with more reading, at a higher level. I’m looking forward to seeing him define his own path for study and seeing where it goes. I’m especially excited to have a student who’s just ready for more. He still can get frustrated or stuck or try to get away with doing only a little. However, he’s ready for more.

He’s also ready for more ballet. He moves to four days a week next year and will probably add an extra fifth class as well. BalletBoy’s determination and dedication, both to ballet and to other projects he starts up, take me by surprise routinely. He’ll find a contest he wants to enter and suddenly he’ll set aside any his free time and screens to work on it for days until he reaches some sense of satisfaction. Ballet is a project that never reaches completion. He’s honest with himself about his failings (he’d never say he was the best in his level) and his successes. While I don’t think of him as a serious kid, people at ballet often tell me they think of him as such a “serious young man” which is amusing but also, when I think about it, so true.

Basically, right now, it’s a delight to see BalletBoy growing up, turning into the person he’s going to be.

The Loss of Confidence

Playing with bubbles and Zomes for math.
Playing with bubbles and Zomes for math.

I didn’t mean to take a several months long blog break. Sorry, y’all.

Did anyone else read about this study? Articles about it ran everywhere over the last few months, though that Wall Street Journal one is one of the more in depth takes. The gist is that parents of middle schoolers are the most depressed, unsure, and stressed. To those of you out there with middle schoolers, it probably comes as no surprise. I used to teach middle school and it makes perfect sense to me, but it still surprised me a little how hard this year has hit me.

Several of the news summaries of the study pointed out that even the most confident parents tend to second guess themselves in the middle school years. Isn’t it a little disconcerting when you fit a profile to such a tee? I don’t always think I’m doing thing right or perfect, but I am usually beyond confident that I’m doing okay and that it’ll all work out. That feeling went out the window over the last few months.

The main source of our struggles have been Mushroom’s anxiety. I’ve written about it before and there’s not some grand new insight I can share. However, it has forced us to change school dramatically and forced me to feel downtrodden and despondent on several occasions as I see him cry and struggle, both emotionally and, as a result, academically as well. When things are going well, he can solve any math problem, spell well enough to not look illiterate, read longer articles and discuss them with intelligence. That mostly went out the window over the last few months.

We’ve switched over to focusing on workbooks for Mushroom, which was painful to me in some ways to hand a child a pile of Evan-Moor and Critical Thinking workbooks and call it proper school, but I think it’s helping to have work that’s beyond straightforward and simple instead of complex projects and open ended discovery based math. Sometimes the biggest challenge is to teach the child you have and not the child you want.

And some things are going really well. BalletBoy is writing up a storm of bizarre crossover fanfiction. They’ve both been flying through a pile of reading about the Mayans and having fun learning about what made the Mayan civilization fall. Mushroom built a cool robot at his makerspace. BalletBoy advanced his level in ballet. They both read and enjoyed The Giver for school and had a bunch of cool conversations about it. Both of them immediately saw the parallels to Plato’s allegory of the cave, which made me feel like they got something out of our fall philosophy study.

And now it’s summer. We keep doing school in summer and Mushroom has maybe maybe turned a corner for now. So while I’m sure that I’ll keep second guessing myself more than ever, things keep moving on with highlights and lowlights. I just have to remember to focus on the positives. I love middle schoolers, really. The fact that it’s a tough time is part of the magic of the age.

Opportunities

BalletBoy backstage with ABT at the Kennedy Center. Photo by a fellow cast member. If you think this doesn't look quite like BalletBoy, it's because he's wearing a wig!
BalletBoy backstage with ABT at the Kennedy Center. Photo by a fellow cast member. If you think this doesn’t look quite like BalletBoy, it’s because he’s wearing a wig!

There’s always opportunities in life. Our most recent one was a biggie. BalletBoy auditioned and was accepted as an alternate in two dances for American Ballet Theater’s Sleeping Beauty. If you’re a ballet dork, you probably understand how big that is. If you’re not, I’ll just tell you, it was definitely an honor.

So, of course, he really wanted to do it. And, of course, I was super proud of him. He worked incredibly hard. I had the pleasure of seeing him dance on the big stage in front of the packed audience and I could see why it took so many rehearsals. One of the dances was incredibly intricate. He was so happy.

The price for this opportunity was a week of missed school for the performances, several months of extra ballet in the form of rehearsals, a lot of late nights, a missed performance at the Kennedy Center (I know, the irony that we had tickets to see something else!) and, worst of all, having to dig out of the snow early and miss the prime sledding days.

I don’t know about the rest of you out there, but I struggle with opportunities. And I get sick of all the people who imply or even outright say that you can have it all. You just can’t. You have to make choices. Maybe this is a little bit of a piggyback on my lunch post from a month ago, but I’ve learned that there’s only so much you can do, whether it’s cooking or big, exciting opportunities or even little opportunities.

There are just so many opportunities. Every sunny, warm day is an opportunity to go outside for a hike or a trip to a nice nature spot. Every snowy day is an opportunity to go sledding and build a snowman. There are chances for different field trips and new classes posted on our homeschool board every day. The minute this ballet ended, we got a chance to attend another audition. And then there are the project and curriculum and book opportunities. Sometimes I see things that would be magical and fun and I want to bring them into our homeschool. But there are so many of them. That’s another sort of opportunity.

I am trying to learn to pass up the opportunities and say no to them as often as I can stand it. It really takes strength, but we have to have a balance between the routine and the opportunities, no matter what kind they are. The routine is important too. It makes the opportunities seem all the more magical and special when they arise. So here’s to the roads not taken.

Boing Boing Boing

I rarely recommend products here (and I’m not getting anything out of it this time), but I want to tout the awesomeness of our mini trampoline.

All the photos I tried to get were this blurry.
All the photos I tried to get were this blurry.

It’s a Jumpsport. We bought it a few years ago when we decided we needed more of an indoor energy outlet and I wish I had bought it years before. However, my experience with mini trampolines had been pretty negative. They creak noisily and don’t have a ton of fun bounce.

Someone recommended that I look at a Bellicon mini trampoline because the design is completely different. Most mini trampolines use metal springs. The springs are what creak and you can even get caught on them. The design for this other type of trampoline involved large bungee cords instead, so no creak and a higher bounce. To help with the bounce, the trampoline is also up on taller legs. At time, the cheapest Bellicons I could find were more than $600, which I wasn’t willing to pay. I was sold that a bungee trampoline was the way to go, so in looking around, I found the Jumpsport, which was a cheaper option. I decided to risk buying it. It was still a lot more than a traditional mini-trampoline, even if it was a deal next to the Bellicon. Now there are others that use the same bungee design, so there are even more options now, but we’ve been really happy with the Jumpsport.

We adore this trampoline. I can’t even begin to say how much use it has gotten over the years. In fact, it got so much use that when I looked at the cords not long ago, I realized that several of them had worn out so I ordered a new set from the company and restrung the whole thing. Now it has brand new bounce, which is pretty exciting.

Every time someone is freaking out, or upset, or fidgeting, or has energy to burn, they just go to the trampoline and jump. Sometimes, the kids jump on the trampoline off and on for hours. Sometimes, they sit on it to do math or other work, even though they can’t bounce. It’s just such a beloved spot. It is the best tool for cheering up and focusing that I know of. Basically, if you don’t have a mini trampoline in your house, you’re missing out. It’s one of the most important school tools I know of.

Confessions of a Failed Geek: My Kids Don’t Like Fantasy

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Imagining… but maybe not swords and dragons.

In the last few months, a horrible truth has come down in our home. While the kids enjoy a little Harry Potter, like playing Dungeons and Dragons, and looked forward to seeing the new Star Wars, they just don’t care for fantasy.

I have been trying to deny this for years. I’ve been pushing the Diana Wynne Jones, the Lloyd Alexander, the Gregor the Overlander books on them. They often tolerate it. Sometimes they find it enjoyable. But the truth has been written on the wall for a long time. The fantasy books get an, “okay,” but they would much rather hear The Saturdays, The Great Brain, a pile of historical fiction, a mystery novel.

I was a fantasy fanatic as a kid. I read nearly everything that was labeled fantasy on the children’s shelves – Narnia, Edward Eager, Robin McKinley, and so forth. Then I moved into the adult section and tried out books like the Dragonriders of Pern and The Belgariad.

The idea that fantasy is “just escapism” has been pretty well refuted in the last few decades as children’s and now young adult literature has become more saturated with it and even adult literature has leaned more and more speculative with writers like Neil Gaiman and George RR Martin as some of the most blockbuster bestsellers out there.

Fantasy was so influential in forming the way I looked at the world. Fantasy is big battles between good and evil. It’s big questions about right and wrong. It’s about power and responsibility. And it lays it all out in a way that’s more epic and more philosophically bare than most realistic fiction for kids. It’s not an escape from reality, it’s reality heightened for young readers, where you can really think about what you believe and challenge your imagination.

I can remember flying through and then rereading fantasy novels, especially in middle school. Obsessing over the details, copying the maps of imaginary places, and then dreaming up my own imaginary places. I can remember imagining, all Mary Sue style, what it would be like to be in these fantasy places, visiting Narnia, tempted by the Dark Side, tromping into Mordor, fighting the power of IT, training to battle dragons.

And now, I realized, my kids just won’t have those moments or anything like them. It made me want to cry.

But, gathering myself together. It’s okay. I would have groaned at some of the long classics and historical fiction that they actually adore. They adored The Secret Garden when they were little. They actually really enjoy classics that other kids often find sort of dull, like when we read Island of the Blue Dolphins. And far from shying away from tough topics, Mushroom’s favorite books are critically acclaimed books about tough topics like Mockingbird and Counting By 7’s. Those aren’t the sort of books I would have read at that age at all, but they’re undoubtedly giving him different perspectives on the world. They get excited about a new Penderwicks book and reveled having a new Calpurnia Tate book to listen to.

And while they may not be fantasy nuts, they don’t lack for imagination, playing out long soap operas of intrigue and love between their toys and coming up with elaborate spy, ninja, and mythology inspired games with their friends. For them, art, history, and politics can be just as much fodder for the imagination as Narnia or Middle Earth.

Goodbye 2015

Mushroom does sparklers on our Solstice bonfire night.
Mushroom does sparklers on our Solstice bonfire night.

I’ve been silent lately because we had a tough December. My father passed away, somewhat unexpectedly, and much of the last part of December were devoted to that. A lot of little things went wrong as well. Kids struggling with anxiety and sadness, broken car, mysteriously broken oven, final epic migraine to cap off 2015. The kids helped Christmas be bright. It’s hard to stay too down when there are two eleven year-olds opening video games, wacky t-shirts, and books. However, I admit that I’ve felt a little bit like this dark, gloomy, rainy weather has reflected my year end mood.

It really wasn’t a bad year overall. The kids had a great DI season last year. I feel so good about our last few school projects, especially our 90 Second Newbery film. BalletBoy’s devotion to ballet grew and he scored a small part (but a dancing part) in an upcoming Kennedy Center Performance (he may get to share the stage with Misty Copeland). Mushroom got to perform his first role in drag as Edna in Hairspray. Mushroom took up diving, which he’s really loving. We all traveled, played games, and have just generally have a pretty blessed life. It just ended on a down note is all.

I don’t like resolutions, but I do try to make commitments. One of my commitments last year was something I wrote about recently – my commitment to serve a hot lunch most days. This year, my school and parenting commitment is to helping us appreciate the silence and tune out the noise. It’s really hard to do, but I’d like to introduce more silence and quiet into our days. I’d like us to return to starting the day with a moment of silence. I see that it’s extra hard for all of us, what with so many distractions around us. However, I think it’s important to learn to just be and think.

 

Balancing Imperfection

A little over a year ago, I made a resolution. I looked at what we were eating for lunch and was very dissatisfied. It was always a scramble. The kids were generally picking at whatever I put out and grouchy for the rest of the afternoon. My kids dislike sandwiches for the most part so tossing out the sort of lunch fare I was used to in my childhood wasn’t working. And as they’re getting older, I find they need to eat something decent. The “what’s for lunch?” pestering starts as early as 10:30 around here some days.

A lunch from last week. squash, onions, and tomatoes with Italian sausage and roasted potatoes. I think I ended up having a peanut butter sandwich for dinner.
A lunch from last week. squash, onions, and tomatoes with Italian sausage and roasted potatoes. I think I ended up having a peanut butter sandwich for dinner.

So I made the resolution to make better lunches. I made myself a little list of possible lunches that would be more filling. I resolved to have things on hand to prepare more hearty lunch fare. We struck up a routine of eating a hot lunch every day and watching a documentary or educational TV show while we eat. It has allowed us to watch all kinds of things. I make homemade fried rice with fresh vegetables and leftover meat or spaghetti and premade meatballs or sausage and rice with vegetables or eggs with homemade hash browns and fruit. I still use some convenience items, but mostly we do a pretty good job on lunch now. And the documentary routine has been great for watching more rich content and discussing it. Just the other day, we enjoyed How Plants Talk to Each Other from PBS’s Nature. You guys, plants are talking to each other! We were shocked too.

Here’s the thing. As I’ve gotten better at lunch, dinner has suffered a bit. I think I really only have one good meal in me most days. By the time dinner rolls around, I find I’m not always hungry enough to want to make a big deal, even if the kids really want something. It’s exacerbated by our evening schedules. BalletBoy has (you can probably guess…) ballet three or more evenings a week. Mushroom has rehearsals. It’s not uncommon for kids to leave at five and be back after nine. My dinner failures don’t need to be picked apart, but suffice it to say that we’ve been doing more dinner scrambling.

It strikes me that life is just like this. There’s no way to do it all. Sure, better systems, better organization, better resources, more help from others… they can help us do more and more efficiently. But the biggest thing stopping us from doing it all is time and energy. They’re limited quantities. There are no time turners or Tardises and no magic little energy pills for us or attention pills for the kids. If you take energy and effort to do something, you’re usually taking it away from something else.

I think we forget that much of the time. We think that we can add things, especially to our homeschool, without making choices, as if we have unlimited time and energy available to us and our kids. But every time you add a new set of logic puzzles, something else will fall a little by the wayside. Every time you toss in a few more math problems or a fun science reading book you lose a little of something else. Every time you pick one book to read aloud, you have to turn down other books you might have read aloud. Every time you fix your morning schedule, you risk that your afternoon schedule might fall apart a little bit. And even when we add a little something and it doesn’t take away from school, it’s taking away from the kids’ free time, which also has a value.

That’s okay, of course. I’m just reminded that it’s all a giant system in balance. It’s good that I’m always making adjustments – we should add and fix and change and try to do better and I wouldn’t change our lunch routine and efforts now by any means – but there’s no way to make a perfect system. Sometimes I just have to be happy with the imperfections too.