Tag Archives: home education

The “Say Yes” Mentality

Years ago, when my boys were toddlers, I read an article where the mom resolved to try saying yes for one day to everything her very young child asked to do. There were limits, obviously. Kids need to be safe and it’s just not possible to get a pet unicorn (unfortunately!). But the idea was to say yes whenever possible to see how it felt.

That concept really stuck with me for a long time. We spend a lot of time telling young children “no.” I have definitely sat in the park and listened as a parent just said “no” to a 2 or 3 year-old over and over. “No, it’s not time for snack.” “No, not up on the big slide yet.” “No throwing.” “No, that’s not your ball.” “No, we can’t go over there now.” And so on, ad infinitem. Sometimes I see parents of young children telling their children “no” even as others say yes. I remember seeing a parent tell a child they couldn’t disturb a pile of mulch at a park once, only to have the landscaper turn and say, “It’s okay. I’m just going to spread it here in a few minutes.” The parent still led the frustrated child away.

The benefits of saying yes seem really obvious to me. Yes respects children as individuals, respects their wants and needs. Yes allows children to learn to self-regulate. Yes gives children the freedom to learn. Yes improves our relationship with our kids. It gives our no more weight because they recognize that it’s not empty and given in reflex. Sometimes you have to say no. But I like the impulse and stop and examine. Make yes the default.

As my kids have grown up, at some point, I thought, I have this “yes” thing totally down pat. Also, now that they’re teenagers, who cares? They know I respect them. They know I give them leeway. We’re all good.

Then, the other day, BalletBoy asked if we could start school a little late and play a board game.

I’m SO BUSY, I thought. I’m SO TIRED, I thought. Why THAT game, I thought. You have SO MUCH high school work, I thought.

And then I made myself say yes.

The yes mentality is something that I still have to relearn sometimes, I guess. But I needed the reminder that it’s still important.

It just changes. I don’t have to trail after my kids telling them no, no, no anymore lest they accidentally stumble into the mortal dangers of traffic or that mysterious thing on the ground that somehow looks appealing to stick in their mouths. Now that they’re teens, the dangers are so much more complex and so much more long term. You can’t just pull them back from the road like toddlers and know that they’re fine. They have to figure out how to approach first loves and complex friendships. They have to come to their own understandings of why they need to work hard or engage or have goals. And there’s not one moment when it will go right or wrong.

It’s as key as ever that I say yes so they can figure out their own boundaries and trust that when I say no, the no has weight. Just like when they were little, I still have to say no sometimes.

But the moments when they want my attention, advice, or my ears are also more precious and fleeting than ever. Yes, you can tell me about that video game strategy. Yes, you can play that song in the car. Yes, we can go for a hike instead of finishing up math.

So this is a reminder to myself. Say yes.

 

 

 

Let Them Read It

I’ve recently been in several discussions about books for middle and high schoolers where people have shied away from reading about “difficult” topics. No violence, no romance, no abusive characters, no murders, no controversy.

Sometimes the kids in question are apparently sensitive. Other times, covering difficult topics is against the family philosophy, at least until the kids are ready for it.

The problem is, by the time they get to high school, they need to be ready for it.

Kids in high school should be headed toward joining that “great conversation” about the world’s great works of literature. Or, at the very least, toward understanding the world around them, including its history, and being able to grapple with questions about the darker side of human nature. How are they supposed to do that if you don’t ever read about love or hatred? How are they supposed to understand history if they can’t read about the Holocaust or the Cultural Revolution or the Civil War?

Those who don’t know their history are doomed to repeat it isn’t just a nice saying. It’s actually true that if we don’t understand these things at all, we are likely to repeat their mistakes. High school is the last bit of compulsory schooling before kids head off into the world. Hopefully they pursue higher education, but then high school has to prepare them for that.

A college professor told me recently about students she had in class who had never heard of Jim Crow laws. Because they were relevant to the topics they were doing, she provided them with some background readings when she realized this gap in their education. Several students accused her of making it up.

If students are taught a sanitized version of history all through their formative years, they’re going to struggle to understand the complexities of the world later on. It’s that simple. Your high schoolers are nearly adults. It doesn’t mean you should constantly push the worst horrors of history on them, but it does mean that they need to be ready to deal with some of them. Don’t assume they can’t handle a gentler dose in middle school either. There are amazing middle grades novels about difficult periods of history. These are books that are written for ten, eleven, and twelve year-olds specifically about difficult topics.

I plead with you as parents. Teach the Holocaust. Teach the Rape of Nanjing. Teach the horrors of trench warfare. Teach the realities of slavery. Teach the legacy of racism and colonialism. Teach the realities of abuse and oppression through stories of people who deal with it and persevere or overcome. Your teens deserve to know this stuff so they can be good global citizens. Let them grow up and understand the world in a deeper way.

Math With No Numbers

Can you do math without numbers? The answer is obviously yes.

Several years ago, I read about someone asking for more math problems without numbers and thought to myself, huh? What’s that even mean? What would it look like? From there, I discovered the vintage book Problems Without Figures by S.Y. Gillian.

Reading on, I discovered exactly what a math problem with no numbers looked like.

If you know the width of one stripe on a United States flag, how can you find the total width of the red stripes?

See what I mean? In order to answer the question, students need to know how many stripes are on the flag and how many are red. They need to understand that to find the total width, they’ll need to choose an operation. In this case, they need multiplication. And in order to answer the question, they’ll have to explain it, because the problem doesn’t tell you the width. The only way to answer is by explaining your process.

See how sneaky a numberless problem is? Sometimes numbers worm their way in there, and several of the problems in the original book did include a number or two. However, most of them were like the problem above. They made students really think about the process of solving the problem.

When students face a word problem, they often revert to pulling all the numbers out and “doing something” to them. They want to add, subtract, multiply, or divide them, sometimes without really considering which operation is the right one to perform or why. When you don’t have numbers, it sidesteps that problem. For students who freeze up when they see the numbers, this can be a really good way to get them to think about their process with math.

That’s been an increasing focus in the wake of Common Core to get kids to be able to show that they understand the math they do. This is a very old fashioned approach that does exactly that.

However, when I first read Problems Without Figures, I saw that Denise Gaskins, the author of the excellent Let’s Play Math, pointed out that it could really use a rewrite. Excited to give it a try before using it with my own kids, I did just that for the first few dozen problems and went on to use them off and on with my kids over the last few years.

Recently, I pulled out the book again and decided to give it a full facelift and publish it. Some of the problems just have updated language. However, for many others, updating didn’t seem to make a ton of sense. Take this gem:

I know the length of a field in rods and the width in feet, how can I find how many acres it contains?

Kids are barely familiar with acres today and rods are entirely bygone as a system of measurement. Some problems like this got rewritten. I added problems with meters, for example. However, some of the problems just needed a totally new take. I tried to add a lot more problems about figuring out how to navigate all the choices we have nowadays.

If you plan to leave approximately a 20% tip on your restaurant bill, what’s a quick way to calculate that amount?

Overall, this was a really fun project. I hope other people find it useful! You can find it on Amazon.

High School Planning

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I’ve said it before here and I’ll say it again, but I really find that our years tend to be a little bit Reggio Emilia most of the time. That is, the curriculum gets written in a backwards way. Rather than writing it up at the start, I don’t know what we’ll do until it’s done. That’s why I only updated the 8th grade section on my curriculum posts recently. I didn’t know what it would be until it was done.

For next year, it may turn out to be different. I guess we’ll see. However, with a “real” co-op – the sort with long term classes that you sign up for – and online courses and a need to track high school credits, we might finally have a year that is more or less what we planned at the start. I’m not sure, but I guess we’ll see.

Reading about science education, I became a fan of the “physics first” approach, so we’re giving that a shot by starting with an online physics course and adding in a high school level physics kit and some extra math.

For math, it’s time for geometry, so we’re continuing with Jacob’s. The algebra program worked very well for both my kids. BalletBoy made the switch mid-year from Dolciani, which had become so muddled and difficult for both of us by that point. I’m excited to have one final year of teaching math before I really exhaust my abilities to stay ahead of the kids and need to hand them off to another teacher for algebra II.

For history and English, Jill Harper from over at Simplify and I are cooking up a whole 9th grade curriculum. It’s going to be non-Western history focused, with different units looking at Africa and Asia. I’m currently furiously reading and re-reading African and Asian literature and getting excited about this. My kids will be the guinea pigs and we’re hoping to have the program available before the spring, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

After a lot of hard thinking, we’re going to delay doing Spanish. I know the traditional wisdom is to knock out those foreign language credits early, but I’m just not on board with the price tag and have decided to hold out for when they can dual enroll and be successful with that, just because it will be so much cheaper.

With the co-op and online classes my kids are taking, they’ll have some interesting electives. BalletBoy will end up with “Urban Architecture” or something along those lines. Mushroom will have coding. Overall, I’m excited for them and starting to get excited for the school year.

I Wrote a Book!!!

I know I’m being a little giddy. Three exclamation marks? Uncalled for! And yet… I’m just really excited and proud.

I wrote a book! You can buy it!

The first thing you should know about this book is that it’s not short. It’s nearly 300 pages. There is a whole chapter about how middle school came to be and what’s wrong with middle schools today. There’s another about what’s going on inside young adolescents’ brains and bodies, as well as how to parent them through it all. There are chapters about understanding different homeschool philosophies, keeping your homeschool organized (and why to bother doing that), how to really engage with the world around you through field trips and travel, and how to cover all your basic homeschool subjects.

My favorite chapter is about “best practices” for teaching middle school, where I talk about a few things that I first posted about on this very blog, like doing a short story every month, and using books that are short but meaty to generate discussion without bogging kids down. It’s also about other practices that I think are good for kids, like sometimes spending your whole math time on a single math problem or letting kids spend time on passion projects.

At times I really struggled writing this because I think that a book that says “here’s THE way to homeschool” probably sells better than a book that says, “there is no single path.” However, I firmly believe that. You have to know yourself and your philosophy, your kid and their needs, and then be flexible in making it all meet up. This book is meant to be helpful to a lot of different people, from people brand new to homeschooling to people who have been at it for a little while. It’s meant to be for people who are approaching things from a more strict mindset or philosophy to people who are just doing whatever works.

Above all, I want this book to be a manifesto on why you can and should homeschool the middle grades. I know it’s a time when many people leave homeschooling. I know people are intimidated by this age group. They can be stubborn, moody, and spaced out. Middle schools these days try to make teaching the middle grades seem like rocket science when it’s absolutely not. You can do this. It’s totally within your reach.

Cover and Title Reveal

Okay, it took awhile, but I have a title for my forthcoming book. I hope it sums up the middle school years. They go from tweens to teens. They rarely have smooth sailing throughout. They also tend to have big leaps in critical thinking and creativity that are very much worth celebrating.

More importantly, I also have a cover! This cover is really brought to you by Mushroom, who refused to take credit for it, but who did most of the heavy design lifting by altering the images and doing the basic layout. I swooped in and finessed some things, but I’m mostly just bursting with pride for him. I have no idea how to do half the things he did with the software he was showing me. This is middle school, guys! It’s kids who suddenly know more than you about something that isn’t just dinosaur names or video games, but something super useful!

Expect to see it on Amazon as both a paperback and an ebook in the next two weeks!

Our Beloved Co-op

Our tiny co-op had its final meeting last week and I’m still a little weepy when I think about it. It was time to end. Several kids are headed to school. My kids are starting high school, which brings with it some specific challenges in terms of getting in academics. But this co-op has been in existence for an amazing nine years, which is a really long time for a small, family based co-op.

We ended with an overnight camping trip that the kids planned. The kids planning it was pretty essential. Since its inception, this has been a child-led co-op in various ways, becoming more and more child-led as they grew and matured.

I keep meaning to write a more detailed post about our co-op. I don’t think this is that post. But it’s been a really amazing ride over the years. When we started, the kids picked the topics and the parents taught the lessons. We rotated houses week by week. We made decisions based on consensus, a habit I picked up working in Quaker schools. They learned about things like dinosaurs and history. When they were really little, we used to operated the “Co-op Time Machine,” a pillow fort in the basement that traveled in time to visit the Big Bang, among other things.

At some point, we transitioned to asking the kids to plan the units and decide exactly what they wanted to do. They put on a play, made a movie, staged a fundraiser, wrote their own roleplaying game, and many other projects.

Over the years, there have been all kinds of co-op experiments. The kids played with “co-op money” one fall, playing an elaborate game of trading goods and services. The kid who sold muffins every morning was the winner, I think. There was a co-op yearbook several years, as well as a co-op newspaper created by BalletBoy that ran several editions for a couple of years. Kids came and went over the years, though a few families remained the same.

Co-op has been a hugely stable force in our lives for so many years that it’s staggering. Most schooled kids don’t get this type of stability in their peer group. I feel so lucky to have gotten this experience for them.

As we left the campsite for the final meeting, it was us and the other original family who had been there since the beginning. That’s it,  I realized. There’d be no more co-op. In the fall, the kids opted to do a STEM-centered day of classes once a week.

I feel like nowadays, if a co-op doesn’t have a slate of classes, a rented space, and an official nonprofit designation it’s not a co-op at all. However, this little, free endeavor has been perfect for us. It took the parents sharing a powerful vision for the kids. It wasn’t without its rocky moments and the kids are hardly perfect to each other. Many of the projects fizzled into nothing much. However, this is what homeschooling can, especially for the K-8 years. Cheap and child-driven. Filled with play and friendships.

Looking Forward to SEA

The next few weeks are busy, busy for me here at the Rowhouse. The kids are finishing up their school year, wrapping up Algebra I and some literature and various other things we’ve done this year. I officially “graduated” them with a special meal and a gift of decent school style backpacks. They’re the same Jansport model that I still have from my own youth. Mine made it through high school, college, and then as I traveled extremely light across Asia in my early 20’s. That’s a good backpack and hopefully theirs will see some good adventures too. First up, we’re taking a short “8th grade trip” to New York to see a Broadway show and hit some spots the kids have never visited.

I’m also chatting with clients for Simplify, which is fun and exciting, to hear about other people’s homeschools and challenges and help them out. I’m trying to finish up my book about homeschooling middle school so that it should be out within the next month or so. It’s getting some final revisions and a solid round of copy editing by a professional. I still have to choose a title, which is a little nerve wracking. Your Complete Middle School Homeschool Survival Guide? Surviving Homeschooling the Middle School Years? Something more clever and cute? Eye-rolls and Deep Thinking: Homeschooling the Middle School Years. I’ll figure it out soon!

Finally, I’m putting the final touches on my talks for the SEA Homeschool Conference in Atlanta. I’m so excited to see some of you there! It’s going to be lots of fun. I’m especially looking forward to talking about middle school. It’s like crystalizing my book into presentation form and it’s helping me discern the most important points.

If you’re on the fence about going to the SEA Conference, there are some amazing speakers there and some great looking presentations. If you live anywhere around Atlanta, you can also get a single day pass now, which seems like a great option if you’re just hoping for a small dose of homeschool inspiration. I know I often resist these sorts of events, but when I go to them, I really do come home fired up about new things and more reflective about our practices. Homeschool parents deserve professional development too!

Organization is More Than Notebooks and Shelves

Hey! Did I mention that I’m working on a book about homeschooling middle school? There are hardly any books specifically about the middle school years and I really think there should be one. Middle schoolers are… well, they’re the best. Prickly, passionate, wild, playful, deep thinkers. They’re great. Anyway, here’s a second little snippet. This one is from the chapter I am working on about organization. I really cracked myself up with this one because I am not someone who is beautifully organized. To prove it, here’s a photo of what our homeschool space, which doubles as the dining room, looks like.

Partway through writing this section, I paused and looked at my notes and figuratively scratched my head. I’m probably the last person who should try writing The Life Changing Homeschool Magic of Tidying Up. I’m not that organized. If you saw our dining room, where we do most of our schoolwork, then you wouldn’t be especially impressed by our shelves or our messy bins of stuff. We’re not homeschool magazine cover-worthy. Not even close. I also don’t keep extensively organized planners or binders. We don’t do things like workboxes or any of the other fancy organization systems that some homeschoolers use. Why, then, did I think organization was worth a full chapter and so many words?

The real focus of your homeschool should be your kids, not your planners. Middle school requires us to be especially flexible. When homeschooling is at its best, we’re being flexible and dynamic. We are engaging our kids and making sure they’re progressing while giving them space to be themselves. We’re honoring that sometimes they roll their eyes and sometimes they get excited about ancient Egyptian tombs or quantum physics. We’re letting them wander around in circles for half an hour and then bringing them back to that math book without judgment.

On the other hand, without at least some modicum of organization, the whole thing can fall apart. Luckily, we don’t have to keep detailed records like in high school, when transcripts and college admittance is on the line. However, I think keeping the chaos of middle school somewhat organized can be a real challenge. There will still be papers, books, schedules, and projects to keep in some sort of order. How will you assign work or give feedback? How will you show up on time or encourage kids to be responsible for their assignments or things?

At the end of middle school, one of my sons needed a middle school transcript for a program he was considering. As we compiled it, I looked at the myriad of things we did and thought about how it needed to be molded into some sort of sense. What was an elective or an extracurricular? How did a study of microscopic stream life and several months building model rockets add up to science? Of course, it all looked fine on paper in the end. You can make it come together however you need to. If I had wanted to, I could have just written “Math 7” followed by “Math 8” and “History 6” followed by “History 7” and “History 8.” However, I wanted to be a little bit honest, so I put down “Science of Flight” and “Graphic Design” and other units he’d done. I was struck by how piecemeal it seemed, but also how diverse and accomplished. He seemed like such a serious young kid when I looked at all the things he had done on paper.

Middle school is wild unexpected like that. When you’re teaching a child to read, at the start of the year, they’re struggling through basic readers and maybe a year later they’re casually reading Frog and Toad or even a Magic Treehouse book. However, in middle school, sometimes it can be harder to pinpoint these particular triumphs. It’s even harder if you have a middle schooler who gets a case of spaciness or grouchiness. In the day to day, you can easily begin to feel like you’re running in place without ever getting anywhere.

Organization can actually help with all of this. It can help you organize your thoughts, make sure you stay reasonably on track amidst a chaotic life, and help you pause and reflect so you can see that progress.

I’ve seen amazing homeschoolers who can’t see how amazing they are because they’re disorganized. I’ve also seen homeschools brought down by a lack of organization. It’s not that the homeschool was actually failing, just that the parent couldn’t feel a sense of success and couldn’t keep up with the chaos of growing kids. Middle school is tough. You need some level of organization to fall back on.

Organization is more than just where you keep the pens and the notebooks. You should have places for those, sure. However, organization is really the underlying way that we communicate with our kids, give them essential feedback, reflect on what we’re doing, and make changes going forward. Organization is how we structure our days and where we put our attention. Organization is how your system runs. It decides what happens and what stays just an idea. That’s super important stuff that deserves some of your attention.

This is not to say that I think you need to suddenly become an office supply advertisement. Some people do love to have systems that include tons of bits and pieces. It can help to have the right piece of paper in front of you every morning, or the right app open on your phone helping remind you to stay the course or at least record the veering course for posterity. However, your systems can also be pretty simple.

Let’s just be honest. Simple systems are best, but even simple systems tend toward chaos. No matter what organization system you implement, it won’t be perfect. This isn’t to entreat you to work toward perfection. Just like how your student is going to work through a messy, chaotic time in their life, you guiding them through it will also likely be a little messy and chaotic.

My main goal is that you recognize that organization can be a linchpin in your homeschool. It can make or break things. That’s why it’s worthy of your attention and thoughtfulness. But also, don’t judge yourself when your systems inevitably don’t work out or don’t keep up. Just reflect on what’s working, let go of what you don’t need, and revise what you do need.

Middle Schoolers

I mentioned before that I’m working on a book about homeschooling middle school. Then I joked on social media that another one of the things I’m not doing is blogging, but I really am working on this.

It’s amazing to me that there aren’t more resources targeted to homeschoolers and prospective homeschoolers about how middle school is the right time for homeschooling. I believe in homeschooling these difficult, glorious, crazy years so much! They’re so rewarding. The relationship you’ll have with your kids is so rewarding. The teaching and learning you’ll do is so rewarding. I know it’s not for everyone. Homeschooling never will be. But middle school. Think about it.

Anyway, with that in mind, below is a little except of what I’ve been working on.

Look at those grown up kids!

The kid you start middle school with will not be the kid you finish with.

The kid you start sixth grade with will probably be short. They will probably still have toys and enjoy some imaginative play, even if the toys are now more collectables and the imaginative play is sophisticated. They’ll still love playgrounds and enjoy children’s museums. Your son will still have a little kid voice. Your daughter may not be wearing a bra yet. They’ll probably be comfortable in their bodies and confident on the playground. Most of them will be natural early risers and may even get up before you if you’re not a morning person.

They’ll start out in all different places academically, but it won’t be unusual if your new sixth grader can’t yet write an essay or a short story on their own or still struggles with things like operations with fractions. Even your gifted writers will probably sound young in their writing. They’ll often be more focused on facts and trivia than deeper analysis. A lot of them will still be very black and white in how they see the world, with everything either good or evil and not a lot in between. While they’ll be well past learning to cut a straight line with scissors, a sizable number may still struggle with small motor skills that you keep thinking they “should” have mastered by now, like neatly measuring the flour or not overusing all the glue.

The kid you graduate eighth grade with will be tall. Your daughters will likely be close to their adult heights. They’ll look mature and be able to wear adult clothes. They’ll be ready to start shaving if they choose. Your sons will still be growing, but many of them will be taller than their mothers with shoes as big as their father’s. A few of them may have even shaved for the first time. Their bodies will surprise even them sometimes. Your boys may bump into things because they don’t realize they take up so much space. Even your girls may seem to regress in their physical abilities for awhile. Hopefully, they’re starting to be comfortable in these new bodies by the time they head to high school, but it’s not unusual for many of them not to be completely at ease yet. They’ll like to sleep in and may even need to be prodded out of bed every morning to ensure that they don’t stay up half the night.

They’ll mostly be finished playing with toys and make believe. Their interests will feel more grown up. The kid who loved to play will be channeling it into sports even more than before, the kid who loved imaginary games will be playing roleplaying games, the kid who loved to color will be doing art with more serious materials, the kid who loved to tinker will be building things that are more sophisticated. It’ll be a subtle difference, but their interests will seem serious and not like childhood fancies.

Academically, they’ll still be all over the place, but the leaps in skill you’ll see will be stunning. Barring learning differences, your student who struggled to write a paper will sort of have the hang of it. Your student who kept forgetting how to add fractions will be puzzling out algebra problems. Your students who started out ahead of their peers may be dipping into college lectures and work worthy of high school credits. The students who seemed to revel in trivia and expertise will have mostly moved away from listing fact after fact to ask you big questions. In fact, they’ll all be asking these big questions more often, and be more interested in questions that don’t have easy, black and white answers.

Like I said, the kid you finish middle school with won’t be the kid you started with.